Today we will be discussing a highly debated age-old question: Who throws a baby shower? Believe it or not, baby showers are a relatively “new” phenomenon. Conceptualized in the 1940s, with the idea of baby showers came a list of insane etiquette rules. Perhaps the craziest one is: that it’s selfish for the grandma-to-be to throw the baby shower because she’ll just keep the gifts for herself.
In the 21st century, we’ve outgrown such strict social standards, there are still a few rules that apply. So with that in mind keep reading below to get the scoop on today’s protocol: Who throws a baby shower?
Who throws a baby shower?
With all the etiquette of yesterday out the window, the people who are closest to the mom-to-be could and should throw the baby shower. Whether it’s the guest of honor’s sister, mom, aunt, godmother, or best friend, quite typically it’s a female figure who’s close to the mom that is expected to do the baby shower organizing and hosting.
With that being said, there’s no reason multiple of these women can’t team up to throw the party. A baby shower is a lot of work to plan after all. Between compiling a guest list, designing and sending invites, organizing games and a menu, it certainly doesn’t hurt for multiple of the mom-to-be’s close family and friends to divide the responsibilities and conquer. Because, as they say, teamwork makes the dream work!
But, you might be wondering, what if the mom-to-be doesn’t exactly have close female friends or family nearby? Good question. We’re going to get into that below!
Can I throw my own baby shower?
As we said before, it’s [y]. While this used to be considered tacky, and perhaps still is among the older crowd, it’s becoming more normalized for the guest of honor to throw her own shower. However, this is still considered a last resort option. Hopefully, the mom-to-be has someone close in her life, even a neighbor or coworker, who is willing to put a little celebration together.
Before the mom-to-be exhausts herself throwing her own shower, however, she should be sure that no one else has secretly taken on the responsibility. It would be frustrating for the mom (and surprise hostess) of the shower to find out that all along, there really was someone putting in effort to make the baby shower a reality.
Nevertheless, if the mom-to-be has checked in with possible baby shower hostesses and things are looking grim, go ahead and throw your own shower. Just keep in mind that since it’s you who is throwing it, it is also you who will be footing the bill. Many shower hostesses don’t see this as a concern given that if a shower has a reasonable budget, odds are the value of gifts received will exceed what they spent on the shower itself. But either way, it’s an important expense to keep in mind.
How to ask someone to throw you a baby shower?
As you probably already figured out, baby showers are a social situation rife with etiquette. Unfortunately, this also applies when you’re asking or trying to figure out if someone is already throwing you a shower. While you could take the “blunt” approach and straight out ask someone, it’s not exactly considered classy in this day and age. So, instead, here are some sneaky yet polite ways you can make sure someone throws you a baby shower.
Option #1: “Can we have a heart to heart about something?”
If you have a close friend or family member that you think would be a good candidate for throwing a baby shower, there’s nothing wrong with asking them to throw you one in an open-hearted, honest way. (And, if you don’t have close family or friends nearby, we’ll talk about ways you can pop the question to acquaintances in Options 2 and 3 below.) Call your close relative or friend up or invite them to coffee. Tell them that with your due date getting closer and closer you’re beginning to worry that you won’t have a baby shower. Explain that it’s more than gifts to you. It’s the feeling of wanting the new baby to be celebrated and welcomed. Let them know you’re not expecting anything over the top or crazy, but a little get together would put your mind at ease.
By having a discussion in an open and honest way, like the one above, who knows what you might find out? Perhaps your friend or family member will tell you not to worry- it’s already taken care of! Or, maybe they say they didn’t think you wanted all the fuss. But, now that they know, they’ll get to work. Whatever comes from the conversation you’ll feel better getting this stress off your chest.
Option #2: “How have you been feeling lately?”
Odds are, if you’re pregnant, you’ll be asked a question like this, or one like it, quite often. While many people assume this question is meant in a physical sense, there’s no reason the mom-to-be can’t use this as an opportunity to give an emotional update. If you find someone who’s a potential baby shower planner asking you this question, there’s no reason you can’t respond honestly:
“Thanks for asking. Honestly, I’m stressed lately. There’s so much to do and buy before the baby comes, and no one that I know of is planning a baby shower for me. It would really help to know that I had some people pitching in to help me get ready for and celebrate the baby’s arrival.”
With a batch of honesty like that, it’s likely that the person you’re speaking with will be willing to step up to the challenge or at least do some investigating into the situation for you. Because remember, as a mom-to-be, there’s nothing wrong with asking for a little bit of help sometimes.
Option #3: “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
This is another question that pregnant women might hear a lot, because let’s face it, carrying a baby can be exhausting. Anyway, if someone asks this question, there’s no reason you can’t take them up on the offer:
“Well, there might be one thing, if you don’t mind. Since my family lives so far away, I don’t think anyone here is planning to throw me a baby shower. It’s hard to get ready for the baby without that kind of support. Would you mind getting some people together for one? It’ll really help me knowing that that part will be taken care of.”
Who should pay for a baby shower?
Good question, and believe it or not, the same answer applies to our first question: Who throws a baby shower? That’s right, whoever is throwing the baby shower is technically the one who should be footing the bill. This is why we mentioned earlier that it’s not a bad reason for your close family and friends to team up. This way the entire budget of the party doesn’t fall on just one person. Because, let’s face it, planning invites, food and drinks can be costly and time-consuming.
And, as we mentioned above, this means that if the mom-to-be has opted to throw her own shower, she will be the one to pay. Obviously, this isn’t ideal with a new baby coming, which is yet another reason why it’s best to try and find someone, if possible, to throw a shower for you.
Can a mom have multiple baby showers?
This is a great question, and the answer is yes! Sometimes, multiple unrelated friend groups, relatives, or coworkers will step up to the plate to host baby showers. This can be great fun and a good way of making sure that all the people you love in your life are included. As the guest of honor at multiple showers however, you will have a couple of responsibilities:
1) Make sure guest lists don’t overlap
With multiple showers, your closest family members or friends may get invited to more than one. While there is nothing wrong with having their attendance at all of them, make sure they know they aren’t obligated to buy you multiple gifts. Baby shower presents can be costly, so to keep things celebratory and light, make sure no one feels obligated to keep opening their wallet for you.
2) Don’t throw your own shower
This should go without saying, but if you are lucky enough to have multiple baby showers, then it’s not appropriate to go ahead and also throw your baby shower. As stated before, a momma throwing her baby shower is a last resort option for when there isn’t anyone else in her life to do the honors for her.
Wrapping up…
So overall…who throws a baby shower? We hope you’ve got the answer now! While it can be tricky to navigate all the unspoken social rules of this day and age, we hope we made it a little bit easier to understand.
If you’ve thrown a baby shower recently, let us know in the comments below. What challenges did you face? Would you do something differently next time around? Got any great ideas, themes, or games to share? We can’t wait to hear all about it in the comments below!